At certain times it is important to just let go and take a dive into something. What that does is disturb the ingrained patterns that have developed before that event. One can’t stay under water indefinitely if one hopes to survive. If experience counts for something it would be that it helps to stabilize and prepare for the impact. 

What kind of impact is this? It is learning to adapt to the environment. It is learning to recognize the potential that the environment affords. This is especially useful when it is tough going through the day. Not all days are blissful but we have each other. This place is unlike anywhere I’ve lived before. The cold has an effect and the seasons are shifted in their duration. 

We have taken a seminar that looks at what we carry with us and how that affects our present behavior. Our patterns shape us and also hold us back depending on the positive or negative motivations that perpetuate them. What lies beneath our layers? Who are we really? How often do we examine such questions and others that follow from such exercises? 

Life as a constantly evolving series of events is confronted by a changing homeostatically focused individual. When that balance achieves a new equilibrium that change is apparent.  The course seeks to elucidate those negative patterns and guide towards the constructive or positive aspects that can counterbalance them. 

Was there something that I overlooked? Am I being honest with myself? Have the tools that I used to operate in the world against negative or impactful events been counterproductive to the achievement of my goals? Are all of these questions necessary?

At the end of the program I have learned something not only about myself but also about Chrl. This kind of self exploration has been instrumental in evolving into her present self. There are always things to work on as the process of growth is a never ending algorhythm that only stops when we do. I understand the language a bit more and how it is utilized. The whole process had me questioning and scrutinizing various aspects of my life and my approach to it. 

What I’ve realized is that I have utilized many of the strategies in my life. It isn’t always easy to maneuver through a problem and the subtlety of some of the emotions that initiate some old behavioral pattern facilitates finding oneself in a negative place. That place is not where one wants to be as it clouds the experience of existing. The way we respond to those around us is filtered through those emotions. We set ourselves up for failure and disappointment by behaving in ways that are based on a faulty order. The model for such behavior was learned throughout our life and it should be adjusted as we age to become more suitable and appropriate. So as stuff like this crosses my path it instigates a time of reflection. 

Supposedly a large aspect of my personality tends to intellectualize. That is the use of thoughts and words to separate oneself from feelings. That is in contrast to intelligence in order to creatively and accurately be aware of the present including ones own emotions. It is the ability to allow how one feels about something to also have an influence on what one thinks about something. 

It’s easy to be defensive and then question what was brought up. Sometimes it’s hard to know what to say and how to think when confronted by something challenging. A part of me was resistant to this course and a part of me remains skeptical of certain aspects of its worldview. I’m glad I did it if only as a way of initiating myself into this community that encompasses so many people that will be a part of my life for many years to come. 

What it all comes down to is perspective. That perspective leads us to choices and those choices in turn allow us to behave in ways that reflect our inner space as well as reflecting the effect we have on those around us. Chances are that if someone is in a sour mood that mood infects everyone around them. If someone is in a good mood they can also brighten your day. It’s important to remember that we ourselves can be that vector that influences those around us. 

The field of psychology is filled with volumes on how and why we behave and think the way we do. There are multitudes of diagrams that schematically outline what we do and why we do it. History informs us through philosophies and journalism and we find many examples of individuals that we admire and learn from. We emulate to the best of our abilities those that seem to have some answers. 

Breathe. 

Focus on each breath as it enters your nose and travels down the trachea and into your lungs. The diaphragm and those intercostal muscles increase the volume of space within the lungs filling with oxygen. The trachea splits into bronchi and then further into bronchioles until the branches reach the alveoli and the air becomes trapped in fluid that facilitates its entry into the bloodstream. With each breath this exchange happens and the oxygen now within the blood rushes to the heart where it pumped out into the rest of the body. If you focus on your breath for long enough you will feel the pulse of this rhythm as it nourishes the body with this material. 

We are not always conscious of why we act the way we do that’s why it is important to examine it. Once that awareness is found however behavior changes and being conscious of it favors positive improvement towards some individual goal or place. “We are creatures of habit” was once observed. Waveforms are collections of individual waves that give timber to notes. These sounds are sometimes enjoyable and sometimes not. Words activate more through meaning and arrangement as we move to evermore conceptual and experiential paradigms that resonate with us. We can understand if we try. 

All of this is a process of growth. It is getting used to the new life that lies before me. This is serious but it is also fun and good. What is love? We say it and mean it but do we really understand it? Do I understand it and its implications? Most people seek this state. A relationship with another for procreation but also for more. As companionship through this journey… that’s intellectualizing 😉

It’s a joy to be with someone who takes away from the loneliness of life. We chose loneliness because we have been unable to find someone that would make long term cohabitation enjoyable. Someone who compliments and challenges in just the right way a good counterbalance. With someone who feels right and smiles back, laughs and cracks jokes back. With someone with whom I can be myself. That in and of itself is quite liberating. So as all of these facets open up it is a time of reflection…