At the beginning of the week it was just like any other week. The pragmatist inside of me is seeing what is around me for what it is. A hierarchy of needs and desires supersedes in the decision making process. One has to lay in waiting for certain things. Other pieces fall in place as needed along the way. Patience is key.
My partner Chrl is moving along her timeline focusing on what she needs to do. I am observant of her needs for quiet so that she can focus her attention on absorbing all the necessary info to succeed on her exams. What to do with my time?
What do I do with my time that is a good question. It certainly isn’t writing. There is a lot of thinking about writing but not the actual stuff itself. There was a lot of reading and absorbing of various different materials. Things about the world that interest me. I haven’t had the time to read all of the things thoroughly. Sometimes like many others I file things away as the interest in an article wanes the further along that it goes. I make pdf’s and screenshots of the articles. Maybe one day I will refer to them in some hope to synthesise all of that knowledge into something coherent. That would involve making sense of what is happening all around me and all around the world. Making sense of a totality is difficult. There is more chance of success making sense of a sliver and adapting that to the rough outline that is my worldview.
This would be an example of some kind of self directed research that doesn’t really have a defined end. In other words it is exploratory. Just throwing a line out there in hope that something bites. This kind of thinking has been influenced by media in all of its multiple layers. We as products of social conditioning throughout whatever length of time that we have been conscious on this planet seek to fulfill our internal passions. These may involve whatever is inside and all around us. We need to survive and if we have that settled we need to succeed in accomplishing the things that we set out to do. We have families and obligations both inside and outside of those realms. We may be in positions where we can influence direction that some or many will have to follow. We are also conscious and critical of those changes and the effect that this has. Then there is time…
There were moments over the past couple of weeks when I felt like an unmotivated loaf. What that really was is just my being going through a hibernation in anticipation of the months to come. It would have been nice to document the thought process however it wouldn’t of have flowed like this. This is more of a documentation than I have ever done especially when it concerns the last few years of my life. It is time to start exploring where I am now that the thaw has come to this region. I have noticed that this place is much different than many that I have been to. The closest big cities are hours away by car. Most of the roads are straight with slight curves to them. The city itself is a hodgepodge born of boomtown exuberance and cultural piety transported from europe. This has caused conflict in the past and an enduring legacy that maligns the people native to this land. There has been progress and hopefully this continues.
We are awaiting spring and color. For now everything is brown and dry. We are I am told a good rainshower away from things blossoming. Due to the short growing season everything grows at an accelerated pace. The change will be quick.