A constant series of stumbles followed by a continuous number of rises. At some indeterminate point an average taken shows that one is mostly standing and not laying splayed out on the ground.
If I was safe in my cocoon isolated from the elements all around there would be no wondering. Piece by piece all would be neatly arranged just like I’d like it to be. That wouldn’t be any fun though. I’d blob into an amoeba like creature unable at some point to look after my own needs.
Stumbles however small remind me that no matter how much attention one pays to everything there is still something that is overlooked. That something can be a cause of a great folly or a gentle reminder to be aware. Sometimes that can lead to obsession but it can also be the pivotal motivator to break through malaise and stagnation.
I’m not standing over somebody telling them to get up nor is someone standing over me admonishing me for falling to the ground. Is it like a boxing match where two pugilists fight it out swinging wildly in the final rounds hoping for that decisive blow? No it’s not like that it is much more subtle. These falls and blows that knock you down come from seemingly nowhere and are the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. They are the accumulation of detritus that settles like dust on surfaces all around.
We always have the option of staying down. We can wallow in this misery because sometimes admittedly it can feel good to feel bad. To soil oneself with misery and despair can be productive to an extent. At least the breadth of it all can be appreciated then. But the noble like to take it on the chin standing up stoically shattering.
The world is not just my creation but the creation of billions of others. It’s an amalgamation of thoughts and actions that like the weather coalesces into systems that sometimes bring us storms but also sometimes bring us sunshine.
Get up in the belief that at some point that sunshine will return as surely as the sun rises in the east day in and day out. There is a bit of self motivation in thinking this right now. There is a monotony and isolation that has descended on me out here. This time out here is like a blind pivot before the plunge into a new life. It is restlessness, a form of restless leg syndrome but for the body and mind. Some attention deficit hyperactivity disorder should be thrown in for good measure just to spice things up a bit. As well as some well intentioned bipolar symptoms that had elements of an extended trough in the low energy spectrum. Some call these the grumps.
This shall pass and as the world or more precisely life throws ever more novel obstacles and conundrums in the way these too shall be overcome. The past has its own hooks that slow me down with friction. How can those shackles get thrown off to let the spirit finally fly free into the reality in front of me? Why do those bubbles form in the first place and travel up to the surface to release its effervescent scent or neuropsychologically a vacuole of neurotransmitters that triggers this action potential? The imagery is made of ‘what ifs’ and ‘that was greats’ that take their cue from realizing they entered consciousness and play out in a myriad of ways. There is a drag and elation as mood oscillates with them, those dancing thoughts.
Before all of that gets too grandiose I remember to think of the center or the core of my goals and aspirations. There is no need to stray from the path as this is a test of patience as the right time has come to fulfill them. Wisdom teaches us that not everything can be gained in an instant. The flash before you on the screen an image but not flesh and bone, not intelligent enough to pass the test, not fascinating enough to hold interest, to far away to have any influence, unable to form entanglement. Wisdom and mastery of the self in times like this is a glimpse of what lays underneath. Ultimately the calm soul is able to quiet the mind and forget the distraction of unfettered thought. In that silence and calm the arena for uninhibited insights truly shines on stage. It is through that process that these insights have true power and not in the chronic fluctuations of some winds direction.