Paradox of Time

“Strange” I say to myself as I think about it. There is no travel time and yet I find myself short on time. Back in the last place that I stayed in there was a good hour each way and yet there was a bit more time. These two hours are now mine to use as I please and yet there is not enough time to do all the things I feel like I should get done. 

We talked about this and during the conversation it seemed like a flicker of inspiration began to take hold. Inspiration that seemed to require a bit more discipline on my part in order to begin getting them things done. 

As was told to me this is the last time that I would have such time for myself. It’s fast approaching that time when it will be time to go back and a new life will spring from the combination of two seperate ones. I would like to get to know how to use a few programs better as well as getting to know photography a bit better too. There is also all the writing that still has to be written that somehow has fallen by the wayside since I’ve come here to this place. This is all kind of temporary as it took a bit to adjust to this new place. This new foreign environment that is somewhat familiar yet still a bit strange. There are wide open spaces and tightly spaced houses. Big little mansions and loads of terraced houses lining the streets. 

The problem is that I still haven’t found a comfortable space in which I can write. If I sit inside for too long I loose my train of thought distracted by the need to step outside. Since it hasn’t been too cold being outside the confines of my room has been a sort of relief. I’ve grown accustomed to the green tiles of the halls and stairs. The way the lights automatically turn on when I walk underneath them still makes me think I’m in some strange B movie. 

Getting things done the way I would like them will take some willpower. Little projects that I’ve thought up for myself in order to make the next ten weeks of work pass by quickly. There is no one standing over me making me do anything. The motivation has to come from within. These days before me strung out as if lights on a line one by one will dim like the passage of time. So it’s time to force my will upon them and complete these projects before me. 

The first thing that has to be done is a full back up of all the pictures that I’ve made on our holiday. I wondered about all of it as I wondered around Beverly a town not to far from me. All my colleagues told me it is lovely and it is. It has that compact charm and poshness that has attracted all the consultants that seem to live there. It is only a short ride away from here. The day was nice so I took advantage of that. The desire to explore is still strong within me and every town has a charm about it especially ones that are nicely kept like this one. 

It was in this town that I thought about my lack of motivation and about the causes of this malaise. Part of it has to do with separation and part of it has to do with the future. The future holds a lot of promise but I still need to prepare for it. When I got back I was going to back up those photos that I talked about. It turns out that I somehow lost the card that contained the last five or six days of our trip together. I was despondent and tore up my room looking for it knowing deep inside that I won’t find it. There was some anger inside. I even pictured how it could have happened falling out when I pulled something out of my shoulder bag. It was really my own fault for being complacent with it. All those memories lost but not entirely as I transferred many of them onto my phone in order to pick the nice ones to put into the blog. 

I’m still bothered by the lack of a good come took to the interwebs. I got the phone bill and all the data I’ve been chewing through has a high cost to it. There is a sticker shock as well at the high long distance costs. I’ve got to be careful with my money as there is limited time in which to make it and there isn’t as much of it coming in as I would like. I’m thinking about the future and I would like it to work out. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s