As time keeps moving forward closer to August there is this sense of anticipation that prevents relaxation. The only respite that I’ve found is to keep busy. By keeping busy and in constant motion the sheer physical exertion allows my body to sleep taking my mind along with it.
There is a bank holiday coming up and it seems like I should get out somewhere but where? I’ve been talking to people asking them where would be a good place to go and visit and York came up a few times. It’s an old city with a rich history. It’s what New York is named after. This thought of escaping came as the daily climb up and down the stairs along the same paths, around the same time, day in and day out shouted loudly through my perception.
If there was a reason for actually putting in the effort to prepare meals it’s to allow this time for the mind to wander. At those points in time it is both focused on the time and focused on something else. It is tuned to the bubbles of thoughts that wander up to the surface releasing its effervescent bouquet of ideas.
This time alone may seem like it should be spent doing something more exciting. That is true but this time is important because I need to accomplish a goal and this goal will take time. Unless I win some kind of a lottery (that I haven’t played in a while) math tells me that it will take a certain amount of time to accumulate an amount of money. This is not an appealing thought but it is real.
“I wanna swing from a Chandelier”
A line from a refrain from a song with the title of the capitalized word. The song’s theme revolves around being care free and banishing all the constrictions and responsibilities in life and having a good time. The old me, the me that took advantage of instances in time to do that way back when. I know what those swings mean. Maybe it’s this feeling that lies at the root of wanting to just fly through the air instead of waiting for the shift to start in the morning.
As my body swung through the air in my carefree days my mind imagined a life much different from that. It hoped for a tranquil existence where there was time to focus on personal projects that stimulated the mind. It hoped for someone to love and someone to love me back which is exactly why I was swinging in the air to begin with. In time it dawned on me that the swings were too wild and they scared people off so I begun to sit still and meditate on what I’ve done.
This time now is more of a stretch after sleeping and dreaming all night. It is a time to wipe the sleep from the eyes and orient myself in the environment. It’s the culmination of experiments and belief in intuition. I’ve accepted what has entered my life and how it’s turned out and are excited about my future without having to swing wildly from a chandelier.