The goal is sometime in the future. In order to get there patience is the operative modus operandi. Step by step it builds towards that trip so close and yet so far away. If my eyes avoid looking where I step in the present time it could be disasterous. It’s as if parts of life are put on hold while parts move forward. 

I’ve thought a lot about that over the weekend. A part of me wanting to get out there and explore. The weather wasn’t conducive to that and I’ve made some mental calculations regarding the strategic use of my available resources. The sooner my finances are on track the better. The bitter taste of failing now would be hard to wash from my mouth. The boredom and my subsequent foray into capturing the events printed in newspapers offers a kind of consolation. It’s learning something and exploring the way my camera works. It’s research and something will come from it. It just needs time to simmer in the mind. 

Mental calculations lead to a confrontation within the mind. Some hard truths about how I’ve behaved and what it means moving forward. Much is made of how we see our lives unfolding. When I look ahead I don’t want to get into the situation where it will be all work. I’d like to have time spent working at enjoying together time and not working so that we can afford to live together. It’s a lifestyle thing. A life spent living and not working to survive is what I desire. 

Growing up there was a lot of emphasis on working. Both of my parents put in a lot of time to make sure that they could provide us with everything that they could. They spent a lot of time working and as I get older my appreciation for their efforts increases. I do recognize however that it would have been nice if we had more time with each other outside of work. The reality back then was much different than it is now and if I was in their shoes I would have done things a bit differently but there would have been no getting around the hours put into working. The point is to set things up in order to avoid that and the time for that is now.