Phrases pass along as sounds unheard. Appearing just as quickly as they disappear. Did I hear that or was that just a door that slammed when the wind changed the pressure enough to make it move. Without verbalising you never know and then the words spoken under your breath become inaudible to those you chose to communicate with. That’s not going to happen so I got on the phone and made a call.
I was supposed to go to Oxford to break up the monotony of being cooped up inside these doors. Those doors that randomly swing with the passing wind. That wind is not the wind that comes out of any orifice just outside as the rain moved in at the height of the afternoon on each day of this Bank Holiday. What are we celebrating anyway? International Workers Day? There was a passing mention on the news but it got drowned out by all the other news about a political party on the ropes with inflammatory language that I wont repeat here. Needless to say that whatever the reason this type of language came out right now it’s going to smear everything that should be talked about. Whatever that is…
These doors don’t keep me in they are open most of the time. My mysterious roommate made an entrance and a quick exit. I could smell his cologne wafting from underneath the door. He didn’t say hi or anything just made a conscious effort to avoid me. I wonder if he is up to something. Something nefarious perhaps, a lady friend that he is excited to see now that he is away from his family. These kinds of suspicions are just in my head but they are fun to contemplate if only for a little bit to get away from thinking about other things like when should I eat and when should I go for a walk about? The walk about is just down to the town centre with all the others before the weather turns sour again. I should stock up for the week and I always forget something. But I have a system and it seems to be working okay for now.
This weekend is a good time to continue my project. As far as I’m concerned it’s either I throw all this paper out or I digitize some of it that is interesting to me. All those daily moments fit enough for us to read. Edited for brevity some of these single paragraphs just hang there stripped of all their pertinent details they describe some factoid that needs a deeper story. There is more to it there has got to be yet, condensed into such a short form they are ripe for anecdotal evidence that the world is heading for a bin virtually asleep zombie like with ground level signs for those of us absorbed with our phones. This just staggers the flow into bite sized chunks.
There were moments when I clicked through some funny posts that now one stands out because it is so silly. There was a parrot that was sitting in front of a desktop computer. The screen had a picture of a cracker on it and the caption underneath said “Oh yeah, Polly want”. I read that line with a drawl of sorts as if someone would be saying “Oh yeah baby you’re looking fine” in a seductive voice. Silly, silly thoughts but they made me laugh maybe not out loud but close.
It’s a good thing that our time has ways of communicating. I’ve burned through my dongle’s allowance pretty quickly. That’s unfortunate of course but I like having a nice signal the wifi here is still atrocious despite there not being much in the way of people here inside the building. As I headed outside for some fresh air I scared one of the other people here. She said that she didn’t think there was anyone else here. I said that I thought the same thing.
We are going to have a big change when we reunite back in Canada at the end of the year. I will be in a new province trying to eek out a living while Ba(r)be engages in her studies. She got accepted and I will follow her to that new place. It goes without saying that our future is a big topic of conversation as is our upcoming reunion in the summer time. That took some focus too. I got a bit carried away but the whole thing is planned out. It needed to be as availability is something that becomes scarcity the closer one gets to that time in August.
My folks took the news of this new development in stride. I was a bit surprised and prepared myself accordingly before starting off on this topic with them. There was a lot of fresh air inhaled prior to that conversation. I’m happy as well that their lives will finally be free from all that work that they have been doing for the past fifteen-sixteen years. They are tired of it but they have this incredible energy and this incredible positive vibe that they show to me sometimes. There were moments in our lives when it was tense. Those moments were a result of a slew of stresses that we all carried at the time. Each adding their load onto the pile. That pile composted and fertilized the seeds we’ve sown at the time. We bear the fruit of that growth now. We are at once lucky to be in this spot and aware of both the up/down sides of our decisions as youth. Just as before there was no way to know how things were going to turn out so now as the future unfolds there is no way of knowing where and how it will go. A flashlight can only illuminate with the amount of lumens that it has. That is how we peer into the darkness as into a crystal ball to foresee the future. The closer we come to that time the clearer something becomes.
This specific time , not the sometimes but this time, something special has happened. That feeling is carrying me through this wilderness. It brings me a smile and infuses my mind causing my perception about the world to change. It’s strange and wonderful familiar yet so novel as to be like the first time. We throw kindling onto the fire with each message and emoji and fuel with each conversation. That fire that started when a cascade of chemical reactions perpetuated an exothermic release of heat with an accompanying condensation upon our surfaces. We are keeping the dream alive and bonding along the way. The future is exciting even though it’s unknown as we hold each other and walk towards it.