One wonders if a restless sleep is a premonition to the day ahead. The eyes open to a variety of news. Look through the Twitter feed to see who followed me for some reason. I wouldn’t be able to scroll quick enough through rose tweets if I was in public. GIFs that portray various acts that we try to protect the children from. Let them enjoy their innocence. Still it was a distraction as I waited for my flatmate to finish in the john.
The cases were strange this morning and maybe I wasn’t focused enough but sometime before lunch I didn’t run a sequence that I should have had. There were a number of phone calls and a bit of a discussion. I owned up to the mistake. Can’t hide behind any excuses. Should have been paying better attention to what was going on. A single decision to omit one sequence in order to reduce the long scan that was being performed. I was thinking of what to fit in next. It’s an example of not being present in the moment. A lesson to be learned again.
I mulled this over lunch eating leftover pizza at the flat. It’s a miserable day outside today. Rain falling from a seemingly endless cloud. I won’t let this mistake get me down. There was news of a bombing in Istanbul at a busy square popular with tourists. I was there last year enjoying the sights of the area where this tragedy happened. Hagia Sophia is located near the spot where it happened.
Coming back from lunch there was a determination to regroup and refocus my energy into whatever needed to be done before the end of the day. I shared my disappointment with myself to colleagues. I can’t keep it inside. Mistakes like this don’t happen often. The rest of the day had difficulties that needed to be dealt with. I had moved to the other side in order to allow the trainee to practice a particular scan. It was a more lighthearted area to be in. We shared school stories about our training. The cases slowly passed through the magnet. I managed to finish off a case performing it almost entirely free breathing on someone who didn’t understand or maybe didn’t care to follow along with the instructions. He was sick enough for the effort to make the whole thing work.
Looking back on the day I recall my breakfast at the Dish. Andrew telling me his idea of what will happen to me after I leave. He is convinced that my place lies outside of this area. I shouldn’t be sad to leave this place for shores accross the Atlantic. Family and friends will remain just that and it’s not like I’ll never be able to see them again. But there is something that brings things out of me when I’m out there. Maybe something that will allow me to find what it is I’m looking for that until now has eluded me. We are talking about both material and spiritual goals. Those aspects of life that have found some already while I still search for mine.