Choosing the Unknown

If there is anything that signals the finality of a decision it’s telling your boss of the plans that you have for the future. I kind of agonized over this conversation maybe for precisely this reason. Discussing it with your friends family or colleagues is more fluid and frank. With your boss it’s more of an announcement or a declaration. 

For a day off its been quite the productive day. Did some chores and rewarded myself with breakfast at my favourite eatery. This was to prepare myself for the conversation. It is really nice out so getting through all the various appointments was a pleasure too. These days off during the week can be productive. Maybe it’s that extra jump in my step some kind of energy boost that is also helping things along. 

I picked a time when it would be convenient to visit him in his office. I supposedly looked serious as I entered. They knew what I was going to say. It wasn’t a total surprise I’m sure. I said a lot of nice things but I explained about needing to travel more and making more money. I dislike being tethered by the debt accumulated through my studies and the burden it places on me. What ties me to this part of the world is family and friends. That includes everyone I know here. 

I think the conversation went well. He might be a little dissapointed that I’m leaving but he understands. I needed to be clear because I don’t want this door to lock behind me after I leave. I also wanted it to be clear to myself. There is no better way to make it clear to yourself than by making it clear to someone whom you respect. 

I shouldn’t have done this but I bought myself a new lens. It’s a general purpose 14-150mm one for my poor battered camera. I’m determined to document my time here effectively. One can frame images more effectively from certain angles but to be true to what you want to focus on one needs the power that optical zoom affords. Pictures do turn out better with a better lens. I think that I needed to release the tension by spending money on something. It was actually a decent price even if it wasn’t exactly the lens I wanted. It’s the slightly older model but I am not rich enough for the younger version. Besides I wanted it in my hands today not a week or two from now. 

What will the unknown show? What will be revealed by illuminating those parts that until then are only shadows colored shapes on a map and occasionally mentioned in the media. I had a clearer vision o how it would be if I remained behind. Years of toil to achieve what I’m hoping to achieve in two years. I’d be a bit bitter I think. It would end up consuming me. That’s the unknown that is clearer to me. The other unknown is much more murky. 

There are rumblings of more regulation coming down the line. There will be more wage measures put in place to help keep costs down. It’s going to be a bit detrimental. My ideas about where I will go are many but only some will be actualized. I’m going to travel light. I need to be mobile. At least I already have some contacts they are slowly learning of my plans. 

The decision has had a positive outcome in my psyche. It has allowed the pressure of the decision making process to dissipate. Now I can focus my attention on closing things up here and moving on. 

I’ve walked around quite a lot today. I had to travel to Surrey to get that lens. From there I got off at Science World to test it out. Some of the pictures were good and I could really focus on things off in the distance. I decided to finally get a photo of “Carhenge” the public piece of art that was voted the best in Vancouver. As I finished taking the photo I realized that my phone wasn’t in my pocket. I left it on the bench where I was sitting. I quickly folded up it had to wait for the traffic to pass by. I ran as fast as I could. It wasn’t far. I was cursing under my breath and in a panic started to look at all the benches before finally getting to mine. The phone was still there. I was panting and my heart was racing. “Nomophobia” that’s what I felt and experienced. The Carhenge photo never saved as I panicked to pack up to return to retrieve it. 

I continued on after that stopping to get a picture of the moon and quickly passing through the downtown east side and the throngs of homeless that populate this area. The wealth that is all around powerless to clean up the streets all around here. Slowly it will be gentrified and reclaimed to a new glory. I made it to Gastown where this process has somehow gotten way past the gentrified and into the luxurious chic. 

The doors which I guarded every weekend for many years no longer open to a staircase leading down but now open to a coffee shop that occupies this corner. I’m going to have to go there and have one. I’ll probably do that tomorrow. The changes that have happened over the years are exemplified by this development. 

As I made my way back home I briefly stopped to take a picture of a Halloween display in front of a house. A man that just happened to be there commented on the rats. He was curious as to how it got there, the display that is. I told him that over the past couple of weeks I watched as they build it. Somehow we got to the subject of why rats are vilified. I remarked that they carried the plague and therefore people associated bad things with them. He then launched into a tirade about Christians and priests who killed ravens and cats the natural rat predators. The said that instead what people should have done is killed the priests and clergy that perpetuated those draconian measures. He said that these people were responsible for keeping the population in squalor and poverty which was further responsible for this disaster. He said he lived rats. I kept my distance as he got quite animated during his shpeel. 

It was a weird encounter at the end of the day. By this point it was time to retire to get rest for the next day. 

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