Shrugging It Off

Friday on a Monday could have also been the title but that is not the case. Some sense of escape had to be in the title as it represents the theme that comes at the end of another cycle. That sense that finally the end is here and now what? 

I’ve been meaning to talk to my boss or more properly my supervisor. I’ve been kind of putting it off as I’ve been ruminating about what to say to him. On the one hand he’s been instrumental in getting me here as well as just being a good boss. Maybe it has to do with the respect I have for him and as the various roles have been posted and I have not been applying for any of them must say something and that something has to be explained or at least commented on. 

Yesterday I hoped that we would be able to have a chat but the day went sideways quickly. There were a lot of challenging cases and the focus was on getting things done. I think he ended up taking the lunch he didn’t take at the end of the day. We were in the midst of another case as I saw him walk out of the department. It’s a problem having something like this on the shoulders. I find it hard to have it with him. 

I emailed him earlier today to meet up after work. He emailed me back to meet up in his office later. I’m going to have to take that time. I’ll be in there on my day off. It has to be done though. It’ll motivate me to get things done today. 

The last few days have been challenging. It’s ok though I’m not whining about it. In my line of work it comes with the territory. It would be nice if everyone who came in was able to tolerate the procedure and conform to the requirements needed. They wouldn’t be sick or in need of a diagnostic test then. They also wouldn’t be individuals who make up the rich tapestry of our society. I enjoy the chats and the brief snapshot of each person that comes through the magnet even the ones who can’t be inside due to a deep anxiety about being within its confines. Some are indeed in pain or afflicted by a mysterious illness that is in need of definition. The process of discovery happens with each examination. 

An emotional investment is made in the form of empathy with the person. I’ve seen tears and heard screams and have been terrorized by the sound of the panic ball. There is always a scramble to shut off the piercing screech it makes. There were a whole bunch of those lately. The tests managed to be done though to a successful completion. That’s where the emotional investment comes in. I often tell patients that the only real tool I have is humor and I try to use it often. Like telling them that this is my first cannulation and they look at me and often tell me that they don’t believe me while they get a chuckle out of it. The anxiety is burst by a few moments of laughter and they tend to relax a bit afterwards. Some have a lot riding on the diagnosis while others have been waiting to confirm what they already know. A lot of them don’t really want to be there. 

So this tension builds and this juxtaposition of the end of a rotation and the upcoming time off is a release mentally. In order to release that release some form of physicality is needed. So I went on a walk. First I sat there and watched the sun set off in the horizon. It set before six on an almost cloudless sky. I captured it in a time lapse. The battery died during the acquisition but not before the orb set behind the horizon. I had a chat with some woman that sat down near me. We talked about the sailboat that passed by just as the sun was setting. I captured it as it passed in front of the sun. Good timing. She told me of the #bcstorm tag that is viewed by the local meteriologists on Twitter. 

I continued on after this along Beach Avenue towards Yaletown and onto Stadium Skytrain. I am going to refil at the dispensary and then make my way back home. It’s always easier to come back home than it is to leave and go a long distance. I noticed that Cirque du Soleil have pitched their tent by False Creek there. I’ll come back there later. 

The dispensary was almost closed and I made a pitch to have round numbers for the vending machines. This change crap and adding taxes afterwards is for the dogs. I don’t think the guy expected me to make such an impassioned plea for this. He promised to bring this up at some meeting. I had a whole handful of change that was going to weigh me down. I made another purchase. This thing is neat. 

When there is no particular hurry to make it anywhere whatever is encountered can be inspected and examined leisurely. There are new buildings that have sprung up along with just the admiration of what was already there but now through the passage of time thought of differently. The ultra sleek and modern amongst the weathered and old. I made it to the waterfront and set up my gear and focused on capturing the tent. The sound of the performance inside quietly resonated in my ears as I acquired the light. Barbs called me and we talked as I made my way back home. We talked of the many ways life has shaped our ways and our decisions as we move through this timeline. Expressing feelings and thoughts on the decisions at hand and the things that occur deflates the strength of the energy wrapped up in those concepts. 
To Be Continued…

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