I’ll probably not have much time to finish but at least I could start. This whole debacle that has been slowly working its way through the family and myself has a bit of clarity now. The processes that have developed to cope with these matters have done their job.
Each side has their points and their ideas and I realize now that it’s the word that holds the key to all of this. We don’t live in a vacuum but a continuum of actions and decisions. The realization of consequences isn’t always immediate. Sometimes it takes time and a moment when the consequences become actualized.
The next day same time roughly as yesterday. Kind of determined to finish off this post. I’ve been thinking about the constellation of realizations that has swept over me in the past couple of days. It started with the love and respect I have for my parents. It kind of spurred me onto understanding their feelings in the matter that currently holds sway over the family. I find that it is a lesson that was being given in life. That lesson involves obedience and respect and although there is a subservience component to it it is really a doorway to greater freedom. There are rewards behind the door. What lies beyond is unknown because it is a solid door opaque to the eyes of prodding questions. The glass door is the easy choice knowing what is there to behold and admire. It is the easy choice although now it may seem like the hard choice to resist and stand firm in their belief. I realized this when I talked with dad yesterday.
Although a child grows up and reaches adulthood the parental relationship remains. Each stage in life has its own lesson. This one has everything to do with ego. I wonder what kind of future and everything bright that “potential” is infused with will become. A complex reality takes over from the hope and dream that the present relative simplicity exists in. Right now they are the shrieks and cries of a little child. That love and that bond that is formed now becomes the pain that hurts in the future as these moments are recalled. Each has their unique bond and each a unique effect on the psyche.
I understand both sides and I see the compromises that each has to make in order to be able to feel like they are in control. Control in this case is not dominance but the feeling that there is a mutual respect and understanding. Through the undertaking of certain cultural customs in a particular way a debt is paid to the older generation by the younger one. It is a way of passing the baton. I understand when there is a need to forge a new path when there were wrongs and advantages taken of another. Who is the guilty party and how does one take care of that obligation?
I won’t get into the details… Suffice it to say that there is still love there and frankly I am always amazed by that. I think this is why it is so difficult to see both sides struggle with this.