On a trajectory going somewhere that’s not really yet defined. There is however a clearer picture after analyzing the numbers. It all really didn’t make me feel all that bad my ballpark was kinda right. I had a hard time getting myself to finally sit down and make that calculation though. There is an aversion to that reality especially when it’s not the rosiest of pictures. I thought I’d be further ahead but I think the trip cost me a bit too much. What I’ve gained though can’t be put into numbers. 

  
I spent the rest of the day reading and watching a few movies. Funny what comes out when you hear the music of my youth presented in the context of what was happening then in the artists’ lives. The way a music shaped attitudes and style. On the one hand we wanted to emulate but on the other the music warned us of the consequences too. The consequences of walking down that road into the darkness. Live by the sword and die by the sword. That is a saying that predates all of that and it remains a truism to this day. Obviously I decided to get off that road and onto another. The artists too wanted a way out of the ghetto and the life into which one can easily get into due to the lack of resources and investment in the community. That kind of treatment that inspired the controversial lyrics that rung and still ring true have a relevance that will continue until this changes. There are other aspects to hip hop and rap that have had a huge influence to how I see the world. The observations on how the world works and people’s behavior, motivations as well as the need to unify and notice that it’s not an us and them but the have and have nots. We are all people of the same flesh and bone. There is no special blood that puts one over the other that is just delusion and politics. 

  
The Mad Max scenario has been updated for our modern age. We can at any point experience this as the ego of our leaders wanes under the pressure of retaliation or first strike policies. The chase was everlasting and it created all the necessary drama that was needed for the film’s duration. The ebb and flow of the film rested on the momentarily realizations and changes in allegiance. The catastrophe that saw the survival of however many lead to the fighting that destroyed the rest. Survival of the fittest or the most cunning. 

I watched these shows late into the night. Now the morning turns into an afternoon and instead of relaxing I’ll be rushing around soon.