Maybe it has been the consistency of a daily ritual that has allowed me to get to this point. I now have a full length mirror and the physical change has become more apparent. Maybe mentally too as I think about things on and off occasionally and in between does this evolution start to make sense. The occasional signs of brilliance that sometimes pop up traversing the digital world. They speak to the inner core of being of this world and a part of it. How is it that we have been shaped now to chase instead of to wait until it comes? There was a time at one point when life seemed idyllic without much complication but now we see a spectacle at every turn and even then we only see a fraction of what goes on.
Brunch is my favourite meal at the right time. Work withdrawal symptoms are fading only to be replaced by things I’ve been putting off. The day yesterday was a bit challenging and filled with glitches, a reboot and restarts. Instead of being angry I was flabbergasted and just watched as time passed while order was slowly resorted. There were decisions to be made. I like the challenges that I’m confronting but that voice in the back of the mind has the other reality.
It’s already a half forgotten day having slept it off. At this point in the early afternoon what really stands out? The scramble of a complicated procedure somehow working out great. Despite sometimes not really knowing how it will work out having the confidence to make it work. It pulled some of my colleagues along. The software does have some glitches that still have to be worked out. Learning still. But sometimes I feel a bit guilty especially if and when I go on on my merry way.
I had a thought on my way to breakfast. What if all of this is for naught? I have now thoughts of the things I had and the way they were and they seem to be some kind of magical this was great kind of sense to it. I return to a skewed déjà vu. Am I just repeating the same old hoping for a different result? There is a sense of wanting more than this present now. Even though as I raise my eyes I see the blue sparkling water of the Pacific extending out in the horizon. I’m prolonging now the sitting down and calculating my affairs. An accounting is in order. I have a ballpark in mind let’s see how accurate that figure is.
I’m not the first or the last in my generation to find themselves in this situation. Unlike some I don’t have the motivation of a growing brood to help focus the mind or make it desperate. Any way I slice it or look at it I’ve got to change what I do and how much I do it for. While I figure that out I’ve got to put these affairs here in order. I keep saying that…