Thinking about the day on the next day. Waking from a coma like sleep state. It still takes some time to realize that this is real and not some figment of my imagination. The repetition and timing make it seem like Groundhog Day. I’ve come to an existential question regarding repetitiveness and my role in society. That didn’t take long… But I’ve been thinking about it for a while.
Make the most of the time you’ve got. It’s an old adage and one that is important to keep in mind as the events unfold before me. Sometimes it’s hard to do that. Sometimes the motivation just evaporates or one just gets distracted or its time to go to work. How long can this go on for? Instead of long term focus on the immediate.
There seems to be no end to the current high pressure system keeping the clouds and rain at bay. Monotonous sunshine is a mixed blessing. It messes with the mind a bit, there is no differentiation between one day and the next. Every day is a weekend unless you start at two as I do. It then becomes a struggle to minimize sweating on the way to work. Timing my morning activities has become an art that is quickly optimized and now routine.
There are some positives. I’ve been congratulated on getting a new position. I’ll be working the rest of someone’s maternity leave. It means that I’ll be working mostly weekday shifts. This is in preparation for a permanent role that will eventually show up. The timing is all there. I just have to figure out more about myself and where is like to be.
I had a similar problem many years ago and someone said to me that I should be considering myself fortunate to have choices like that as many don’t have them. That motif has stayed with me and it may be responsible for me still struggling with finding a place to call home. The restless soul needs a home too. Home is where the heart is. What does my being hope to do and how does it get there and where is that place? The more questions I ask the more answers I’ll find and that will inevitably lead to even more questions and so on…
For now this will just churn in the mind like the process of making butter. That smooth substance that tastes so good when made right. Maybe this process in my mind will lead the same results in my life.