Some adjustment to this new temporary life is still happening here. There are many different threads that weave in and out of consciousness occupying my attention periodically. Some of these threads are not that important while others need more inspection. Some of these threads are like arteries that have sprouted roots around which I would like my garden to grow. Now since there is more importance placed on their development this care free attitude has been affected by seriousness. My mind has created an educated guess and a path that I would like to follow. The path has constituent parts that need to be managed in order for there to be a successful completion of this next chapter. It is as clear a summary as I could imagine.
It felt different this time being back in London. It is still familiar and it hasn’t changed much to my glancing eye. It may be to the isolation that insulates me from the world. I was reflecting as I tried to write on the train back to Hull. Those overrunning engineering works really put a dent in my schedule. It is a good thing that I left as early as I did. The train sat there motionless on a curve for what seemed like an eternity. Good thing for wifi. The curve had the effect of tilting the train to one side. My thin wallet felt like it was putting too much pressure on a specific point on my butt causing slight discomfort. I realized how much I drifted off into space letting my mind wonder the tapestry that is forming in my life. “It sure is nice out” I thought to myself as I looked outside and shifted in my seat. “When is this train going to move again?”
It is quite important to be able to find a job out in Saskatoon. I applied for one that I found when I searched for potential work out there. It is not exactly what I want but my qualifications are perfect for it. I wish I would have written a cover letter explaining my situation. It was one of those lazy late evening searches that have their inspiration in something that is so fleeting that it is almost indescribable. The job would be perfect for me and for us as we move forward in our relationship. Hence the seriousness with which this new chapter is approached. That old what if thought creeps in saying “what if you don’t find a job?” The challenge is that it is a small city with only a few hospitals. They may have long term employees that haven’t moved and won’t move anytime soon. I have to keep believing that my skills would improve any team as I feel that they would. I think that they will. Just have to find that place.
The place where I work is literally a few short meters away from my bedroom. In the morning I see it and at night I see it too. It is really an ideal situation. Coming in at lunch time allows me to vary my lunches. Coffee tastes much better when I brew a fresh cup for myself at lunch. It is an odd escape from the windowless control room that we all find ourselves in every day. More on that later but the sense that I haven’t settled into a groove yet has made me feel like I’ve been kinda lazy. Stepping on the scales has brought that home. The amount of steps that I am taking has been greatly reduced. I was these steps that accounted for the gradual decrease in weight that I experienced over the previous six months. My weight has shot up a bit since I got here. I have all this time in the morning but the motivation is lacking.
Processes that have been developed over time in my life are starting to show their ingrained strength. These are those threads that have been planted over the past years. It has been a while but slowly the rust my muscles have developed will be scrubbed. Once something has been started it tends to be followed to some end. It is like continuing to write as the cursor blinks for the next word to be conjured up from the nether regions of the mind. Brought forth to illuminate the problem as it exists in its conceptual form. These words help shape a direction that will at least take a stab at the problem. If anything they could also lead to a surgical tool that solves the problem noninvasively with great success. I did a great deal of walking two days ago and this morning I performed a workout routine. Everything however depends on the diet and as I polished off the box of Salted Caramel Florentines I realize that I have to stop snacking on such delicious sweets. I had a craving that I couldn’t resist. I am only human and I don’t regret having a momentary weakness for such tasty morsels. By inspecting the packaging and reading about the nutritional content of each piece motivates me to do better or else all of the time and effort spent shaping myself will be for naught.
One of my biggest obstacles has been the weather. It’s simply too nice to be spent inside. This is compounded with the lack of a decent wifi connection. My online time is limited to looking at sites more so than watching a stream float through my system. Bad weather is a given on this island and with the approaching harvest moon it is evident that the days will become increasingly short. It is probably best to at least spend as much time outside as possible. The air is much fresher here than it is in London. All that heavy diesel doesn’t hang there as much as it does in London. All the sights that I see are new to me still although my walks are limited by the choices of paths that I can take.
Up in the distance there is a windmill that stands proud upon a ridge. A quick survey in the oracle says that there is a restaurant there on the bottom. The windmill has stood there for over a hundred years and it will probably stand there longer than that far into the future. It is a simple path to get there or so it seemed on the map. However, there is no sidewalk on which to walk as most people tend to drive to their destinations and not walk. Somehow I managed as I wanted to capture a spectacular sunset crossing the road to ease my way when I had to jump onto the grass to avoid the cars as they passed by. What I discovered was that there is a path that leads from the windmill and follows the ridge down to some end. This day wasn’t the day to explore any further. I doubled back to the spot that I thought would offer the best spot to take in the sunset. It was too cloudy along the horizon to capture it well plus the battery was dying so it didn’t really end well.
My mind jumps around and so does this story of the last couple of days. I’m trying to go to bed early so that in the mornings my activities can begin. It feels better when I wake up early and take the time to stretch and do some excercises. Time is limited so I can spend it wisely sweating a bit and panting as I move through my set. This is that motivation that I alluded to before. I didn’t have the time to do this in Stafford as I had to quickly get out the door. I’m trying to get a groove going that will carry me through these next few months. These months that will lead to reunification with the girl I love.
Maybe a bit of this funk has to do with separation. After a month filled with laughter and care free days to be suddenly plunked in this town virtually isolated from the rest of the world. There are things going on with the folks. I haven’t been able to talk with them as much as I would have liked to. Words sometimes need a presence and not a detached connection. Words need hands to put into action those things that are talked about. Helping hands and not an abandoned feeling of positive vibes. At least there are words amongst this realization that it’s time to go back.
Chrl has started her school. As she is studying a professional field there are more things that have to be mastered. It is no longer just a matter of going to class and regurgitating but it also involves developing people skills and connections within the profession. She has the time now to be independently exploring these opportunities unencumbered by relationship needs and desires. She is making the best of her opportunities. I have to make the best of my time too. As she describes her adjustment and her first impressions it brings me joy. I like the fact that her ambition has stirred me into action. It’s about time eh?
Make the best of the opportunities that present themselves to you. The hot clear sunny skies present an opportunity to enjoy time outside. Things that are not immediately necessary to accomplish are pushed to the side. Moments of inspiration can have their time to be explored and followed through. Music takes the place of quiet and takes me away to some other place. Each song with its own flavor for instance one is uplifting with its a capella rendition of a chorus talking about love. One song with a Caribbean flavor evoking sandy beaches and palm trees as we run along with smiles on our faces. Some with ambiguous lyrics that my consciousness searches for something to attach moments of my past to. Some are happy but some are also sad and as it stands it makes me think of my immediate future and how to make the next twelve months great but then keep that rolling indefinitely. A process that needs to be constantly tended to but also enjoyed.