Making a commitment is both liberating and frightful. The latter is a natural response to the unknown that is tied up in that decision. The consequences of commitment take you on a journey that is not always entirely of your own choosing. You are confronted by the bitter realities of an unknown land of lonliness and questioning of the original idea to commit in the first place. The former is an invitation to spread your wings and learn to soar. The very same problems that cause fear also inspire new vistas and new experiences. It is a way of digging deep and finding what is at the core of your character. What are you really made of? What is it that you really like and love?
“Out here on the perimeter there are no stars out here we are stoned, immaculate”. The Doors
A line from a record resonated all those years ago and came bubbling forth. It is like the dream last night of a road that never happened and the dream spoke to me that conclusion. Naked and enthralled in a deep embrace the rejection echoed in my dream. The reality a false premise built up by desire and not the actuality that stared me in the face for all that time. It was a falsehood brought on by what could have been but my hand wasn’t accepted and that branch shriveled whittled away.
Ba(r)be my new babe is far away yet I can picture her and imagine her in my arms. Like all those times we spent together before I left to adventure out here all by myself. Through video calls and constant messages we beep those embers glowing. The passion is there and as we discuss our day to day we see the changing lands through our changing eyes as our hearts entangle like quantum states.
It is not a metaphor to say that we will reunite and live on a prairie. To forge our lives like pilgrims traveling from a distant land. The grass and trees not unlike the grass and trees from our homeland familiar yet new. The embers burning in a new hearth a new home to call our own. It was with great excitement that I heard the news. Her voice excited reading over and over her acceptance letter making sure there were no mistakes. I’ll be her partner for this journey just as much as she is a partner in mine. Forging ahead in a land sparsely populated with a big sky and a lot of sunshine that rains down warm rays even in the winter months.
This new development gives us a focus to work towards. It gives us a way to recombine and entangle ourselves in each other’s lives, in each other’s hair and arms as we walk towards light.