Compiling any number of statistics takes time. This task that started on the first day of the week continued sporadically until today when these numbers were finally presented in some sort of digestible form. There were some useful insights that were found by analyzing these statistics. It falls in line with looking at things more closely something that has been suggested by some posts I’ve been reading lately. 

  
The one thing that has been inescapable over the last three days before today has been work. Things have been a bit different since starting back up after new year. The colleague that I have been covering the shift for has returned from her maternity leave and is training up again before resuming her role. There is another colleague that has also been training in preparation for starting a position. Our boss has been in as well doing administrative work related to the upcoming change in scheduling that will take place in April. The site will be running 24/7 for the majority of the year. All the sites that have qualified for funding have begun to implement these changes. Needless to say there have been long periods where I wasn’t operating a scanner but sitting back and watching others. It wasn’t all like that though. I did take the reins so to speak and scanned some complicated cases myself. Some that were without notes or supervision but intuition and remembering what some people have done in the past. Having observed and now experimented and recalling all the things that I could have was thrilling. I do enjoy challenges sometimes especially when they are successfully conquered. 

The flow of the last few days has felt different. Much of it is related to the upcoming change and the plunge into the somewhat unknown path that now lays before me. There is a certain joy as well as some pain that coalesces into a complex set of emotions that is at once exhilarating and ominous. The banter and joy that has manifested itself lately has much to do with the energy that has inspired it. That feeling of flow that signifies some mastery over my abilities has a powerful effect on my psyche. This does require some effort and focus to pull off but it still allows me to experience pleasure from it. 

  
On Tuesday I met up with an old colleague. We used to work together back in the day during my Nuc Med days. He decided to pursue his own interests in an entrepreneurial form by setting up a body composition measuring company. He caters his business to the burgeoning health and fitness community. Undergoing a dexa scan is one of the most accurate ways to measure the compsition of your body. That is measuring the percentage of fat, muscle and bone that are contained within you. I’ve had it done once and now writing about it I feel like I should have one. I should find out the price. 

Thursday is a day off and since I didn’t have to be up at an ungodly hour Barbs and I set up a date. We went to have dinner at an Italian restaurant that had a 25% off deal on bottles of wine. That was about the price of two cocktails and even if Barbs is not a big drinker she helped me a little with some of the wine. We entered the empty restaurant and were shown seats along the wall. Having a look around we asked if it would be possible to sit in the corner on the couch. It was a much more intimate setting for us. We read the menu and made some choices that included an appetizer and a main dish. We had a good conversation and we aknowledged to each other again that we have fun together. We are fortunate to be two people that have matured over time into adults that have a certain amount of compatibility but that some fundamentals are against us. Instead of looking at these we have allowed ourselves to explore other aspects of a relationship more openly and experimentally. Being honest and vulnerable with each other has had a positive effect strengthening the intimacy. 

  
Now the day is done after it was spent writing and thinking about the past. By looking at the numbers in a lot more detail and reflecting upon the year it has made me more motivated at what will come. In the coming year I will likely take a few courses for me and in the process orient myself towards the big goals that have yet to materialize. This article in the Atlantic Magazine was food for thought regarding the process of maturity. It becomes a matter of perspective as to how one is viewed by society. The only thing that I have going for me is the fact that my life has been anything but conventional and as such it is what I am living through now. Even though I have some conventional desires the means for getting there are unconventional. There is no shame in that however since I maintain personal integrity.