How is it that I’m sitting here with a headache that feels like a hangover headache after only having a couple of drinks? Why wait so long to add to the growing volume of this blog? There has to be something to say something to add to the growing thoughts and the endless spinning regarding the decisions that I’ve had. On a bright and sunny day those thoughts are easy to postpone to another day.   

 
Postpone them I did. It is now Monday after work. I’m cooking dinner and have some mix playing in he background. I had it on too high and had to turn it down in order to prevent the sauce from burning. Some of it is still frozen. I’ve thawed out a container of the batch I made. I’m careful to not break any of the spaghetti as I arrange it in the water. Writing all of this while cooking seems so condensed as yesterday was a leisurely day. There wasn’t any time constraints. But maybe I couldn’t write it then as I sat and absorbed various stories from the web. Maybe that’s what was important then. 

  
The day before was busy. Saturday was also a nice day. After a long night I decided to finally make that trip out to North Van. The morning was kind of productive in a lazy kind of way. Like a little kid I felt a bit elated that I was going to ride on the SeaBus. It’s been a while since I’ve been on one of those. The local MEC up there is just a short bus ride away from there. The ride was pretty quick but I spent some time just enjoying the sights like a tourist in my own town. 

  
When I finally got to the store I quickly found the rack with the jackets on them and found the missing medium size. To my astonishment the medium just seems too big. It had that bagginess to it that I just didn’t want to have in a jacket. I tried on the small and eventually a customer service representative came over to ask me if everything was alright. He wanted to see if he could help. I talked to him about the trouble I was having between finding the right fit for a jacket. To top it all off they had the same style in two different colors. The problems just multiplied. I came all this way sure that this is the size that I wanted only to discover that the other size fit me better. The guy was surprised that I fit into that size. Did I have enough room? I flexed the back as if I was the hulk and didn’t rip the jacket in two like a shirt that’s too small. The price point and promised performance as well as the style were all within a range I found acceptable. It’s supposed to snow here soon and the rain keeps falling.   

 
I made my way back and then to the dispensary which was closed for some reason temporarily so I waited it out by sitting in the cafe reading. After picking up and getting back to the flat an urge to nap came over me. I was invited to dinner and catching up with my bro he said that napping seemed like the thing to do this day. A lot of others were doing it. 

  
I woke up a bit refreshed and in a kind of panic wondering if I would make it there on time. Surprisingly I did and as I waited there for my bro to park I had a chat about the state of the world with someone who happened to be walking by. We shortly got into a conspiratorial bend to the conversation before he quickly ended the conversation and crossed the street. Strange. Soon however my bro showed up and we entered the busy restaurant and were directed to the seats reserved for our party. We came and sat at a table that was in the middle but at the same time seperate from the rest in terms of the gap that those that say against the wall used. It was Akshay’s birthday who is Anna Mae’s boyfriend and with whom my brother is crashing with temporarily while he finishes his studies. He is couch surfing. Poor kid 😉. Still it’s a cause to celebrate and get to know new people while in a fancy restaurant. 

  
The place is a mixture of Afgani and Indian food. It is that near east flavor from that part of the world. They had a couple of artists playing traditional music and dancing. It made for a lively atmosphere. I must admit that I was a bit hungry when I got there and the drinks consumed while I sat there waiting for the food got to me a little. I talked with those around me and with my brother and eventually we ate. It was an all you can eat menu and I consumed as much as I needed. Not as much as others though. 

  
We had the we had the untraditional cupcake cake. Quite ingenious actually as each cut piece has its own Container in the form of the cupcake paper. Too much frosting but a good symbol nonetheless. I could have continued partying with them but I sensed like I shouldn’t. I was going to do stuff on Sunday and besides my bro needed to have a chat with me. I could sense what he wanted to say and he told me that he wanted me to stay and that if I was going to go that I will have to visit every Christmas. 
  
 Maybe it was his heartfelt chat but since the. I’ve had these thoughts about staying. Those what if questions and the mind again starts to swim in the possibilities. What if?… The reasons before seem so inconsequential and my defense of my position weak against the emotional weight. What if?… Is it too late to change my mind? I’ve waffled on purchasing that ticket. I have been so sure. Look at what’s happening over there though. 

 
Waffling and going back and forth takes away from the goals I have made. To make some money and have an adventure. I would still like to find a wife and have a family. I would still like to have a home and settle down. I would still like to do something good in this world and maybe have a positive influence in the larger sphere beyond the immediate surroundings of my friends and family. I would like to develop my writing and some art. To discover something scientific or develop something to that effect. I also see living in a sunny place somewhere by the water. I would like to have this come into reality, to manifest itself in the best possible way.