There is a grayness to the environment outside the flat. So I begin with a coffee in hand reading about the day’s events and perusing the magical moments that people share. There are great things happening out there in the world but there are also disturbing things happening.
I wrote that yesterday and had no time to continue on. The rain began to fall and there was no easily available shelter to enter and continue on with my thoughts. What was going through my mind is clearer today and better elucidated after some subconscious contemplation. It’s the dawning of the consequences of my decision. That initial panic when it’s realized that there are only a precious few months left. The schedule for the new year is coming up and I should be thinking about how I’m going to get to where I need to go.
There are distractions and obligations that I have to attend to. There is the present everyday life that is so important to keep a handle on. This everyday has layers, different strata that has meaning in various ways to me now. In preparation for the day ahead I wonder about all these various layers past and present. They are like jackets behaving as behavioral mechanisms both present and past. I’ve shed some and put on new ones their style and fashion in keeping with the changes within.
I put on my velvet robe the soft texture of the material indicative of the mood during our conversations. Then I put on the white tunic and it allows me to get into character as a professional within a clinical setting. Often I wear a jacket to protect me against the elements that have now turned colder with the changing season. If this is a metaphor then what is sought is to be free of these layers and just to exist in a paradise somewhere out there in the world.
But then another message raises my attention and its content elicits a response as I picture the words in their form. A little fantasy that coincides with the sun peaking out from beneath the cloud. A cog in the wheel or a delightful surprise. The importance of honesty and letting go of inhibition.
The world keeps turning as do the swirls in my mind. Thoughts left to their devices when just staring out into the world. A new political regime was sworn into place and for now at least the boldness of the moves is reflected in the optimism from the media. I am getting ready to face my final day of work as I observe the K-9’s walking their owners up and down the hill. Their joyful panting and attitudes as unique as the individuals holding their leash.