Housebound and incapacitated by the television. In recovery with an image of a scary future if this continues. This is a lack of motivation sitting there in a partially completed house watching home renovation shows. Time and time again similar issues come up like poor craftsmanship and cutting corners. 

  
“We have to think about how housing is built. It is not enough to have a nice kitchen and bathroom if the underlying structure is shoddy.”

  
That’s just to paraphrase the general theme expressed in the show. As with anything that has passed in front of me I wonder about the making it has for me. Are the changes and improvements that I am making just cosmetic in nature or are they structural improvements that have been unaddressed for a long time? Are there any changes that are actually being made or is it just the same with my perspective that has changed?

  
I walk around the brightly colored rooms with the sun’s reflection giving it all a warm glow. I could do more to help out but I wouldn’t know where to begin or where to stop. The help that I wanted to give interrupted by something coming up. Then questions come up and further introspection. The thing is I need to find a direction. The Carribean has been ruminating through my mind ever since the ride down here. Before I could even begin to go there I need to put in some work to figure out if I’d be accepted. 

  
I posed myself a question as a test… The question has passed through my mind many times since then; what would I do if I won the lottery? Would I stay here or would I go away? Then after the initial series of distributions of wealth the answer was clear. After a period of traveling the world I would probably go back to school and study something. My last exam was written at the end of twenty eleven. Soon thereafter I left the country to pursue other dreams and not really think about the future too much. Just to live in the present. Living in the ever present now doesn’t always mean saying yes or saying no. It means that there is a selective process to it as well as a flow.