Shape of the Future in the Now

There was a time when me pen was put down and no words were written. It’s not like there wasn’t anything to say but why say something that wasn’t quite right. These days that doesn’t bother me as much. What’s important is that it’s clear.

A constellation of events that happened today conspired to inspire me to walk to the station again. The bus that I normally run to get at half four was rounding the bend away from the stop. There was no way to catch it at the next stop. Somewhat dejected but maintaining me spirits a decision was made to continue on foot. These thoughts came to me as I trudged along the winding hilly road. There’s no straight line from where me starts and where me needs to go.
Multiple generations of construction exist along this path. Eighteenth century onwards to this present day. Age can be recognized by the rounding of the brick or stone that has been in that place since being placed there by some hand. That hand was attached to a body that ate and breathed some time ago. Sharper edges represent a more recent time. One wonders if these sharp edges will weather to a smooth shape like their cousins scattered around them. It also depends on the quality of the brick. Good bricks last longer.

I’ve been reading Wikipedia this week. Planning something for the summer and since access is severely restricted due to the filters put in place there is little choice. There are no ads and there is a plethora of information available. Europe has a lot of history with many competing and intertwined storylines that have shaped the course of history. Spectacular rises into prominence are usually followed by equally spectacular falls from grace. There is a pattern in this cyclical occurrence. Processes that underline these episodes are studied and analyzed by historians, philosophers and the like. Hardly anyone sees these things coming  in either direction.

Cities have been a major contributor in the evolution of our society. Every city’s description begins with an entomology of its name. I can’t hear it pronounced but many of them are world famous. They all held sway and rose to prominence serving as an example of what that culture was all about.

In the fifteen hundreds roughly an age of excuisite flourishing occurred. It was the beginning of the modern era an age of enlightenment called the Renaissance. An over abundance of wealth contributed to patronage of the arts and then science. At the beginning there was no separation between the two. They coexisted together for the sheer pleasure of expressing with these materials forms in the shape of christian motifs. Scenes that on the one hand exalted God but on the other hid the machinations that created the wealth in the first place.

Throughout the day there were periods of inactivity and then madness sort of. A no show and then a scheduled training meeting. That was scheduled on the system that I operate all the time. I started reading about Leonardo da Vinci the pre-eminent example of a renaissance man. By all accounts he was a genius and an extremely talented artist as well as a great thinker. In these descriptions one only gets the main plot and the significance of some of their work. I didn’t like the positioning of one of their procedures and acquired one in the way I feel to be appropriate. I may raise the matter at some point during one of their meetings. There was work to do though because of all the activity it was just myself and another colleague performing the scans. There were things to do to keep myself busy at least. Had to participate in order to stay positive and out of trouble. Once the training session finished I continued on with scanning running between the two cameras and finally got sent off for lunch close to two o’clock. The last patient was old and we had to see how bad it is meanwhile i hear the cries of a newborn who obviously needs the scan and is too young to understand and conform to any suggestions. With one eye on the scan and the other on the screen the story moved onto Michelangelo and at the point in the story where it talks about his late works and his thoughts expressed through them these events coalesced. It was like some kind of weird climax to the work day.

That’s why the walk was good. These things were still swirling. It’s hard to listen to a persistent cry from a little baby. We weren’t doing anything to it. Two senior people were holding it gently as the mom looked on. It didn’t want to be here. The old patient on my bed didn’t complain even though they couldn’t lay straight on the bed. I don’t interpret the scans and report on them but I know what I see. I try to be pleasant and make them comfortable. If I can get a smile or throw in a joke I do. Then I optimise the scan itself. I helped them up and got them safely onto the chair. Their kids were there to take them to and from the hospital. I have a lot of respect for that. Especially at this stage. No one except for your family can take the right care of you.

Looking around at some of the houses it’s surprising that they are so little. Some of them are probably one bedroom flats. There can’t possibly be any more room than that inside of them. A compactness is infused into all the buildings even the grand ones. The roads have curves and some of the buildings conform to this curve. The hill offers another aspect to the designs. Two stories from a certain perspective seems much taller, grander even.

There was this man that walked by once I got onto the high street. He had a raincoat with some blue rectangles contrasting with the black. Jeans and a ballcap finished off his look as he strolled by puffing on a vape stick. People are always going to want to puff on something. This is the evolutionary aspect of culture. All these little sub groups coalesce into the totality of our civilization at our present time. All these particular aspects of society factor into what it is. Over time many different aspects have stood out and now I’ve started to document them. The way that vaping has entered society is scary to some who advocate smoking abstinence but people persist in their desire to smoke something. Curious innit?

Having a chat with my flatmate and he suggested we go out for a drink. We have been talking on and off for a bit getting to know each other. He has been here at the hospital for a while. This is his second stint. For him it seems a little bittersweet as it reminds him of the time he spent with his girlfriend. I get the sense that he wants to talk about things and we had a wide ranging discussion about all manner of things. He’s from Libya and he told me about how things have changed now that Gaddafi is no longer in charge. All the different tribes got their hands on the stockpiles of weapons contained in the country. He told me about the use of anti aircraft guns on individuals. It is a messy result.

The flatmate has spent many years in the UK. At first when he first got here he was a recovering student. A lot of time was spent studying and when he experienced the freedom of the west he had a good time. He has grown up a bit and with age comes the maturity to recognise that something more is needed. I told him about my relationship and how it has changed me. I told him that it comes from the inside and that he has to use his intuition. I’m trying to build him up a bit. He seems kinda down. This country is dragging him down a bit and he has talked about returning to his home country as bad as it is.

We stepped out and our first stop was a Weatherspoons. It was inside an old movie theatre. There were gradual levels that descended down to the bar occupying the space in front of the screen. It was really ornate. The thing about this chain of pubs is that they don’t play any music. Thus these places only have the hum of people talking to fill the silence. Luckily on a Friday night this space is filled with people. We chatted over a pint as we checked out the people all around us. There is a mixture of ages and groups. Some women are dressed to impress. They have their high heels and tight fitting dresses accentuating their curves. My flatmate kept pointing some out. This got us to discussing our experiences and difficulties with relationships. There have been regrets and successes.

We moved on to a cocktail bar up the street. It is a bit fancy inside. We sat down and kind of surveyed the scene. There were a variety of people inside some young and many older and more mature. There was dance music playing and as groups of women walked by the guys against the periphery occasionally glanced over. High heels make a dramatic noise against the floor. The distinctive clacking noise audible above the music. It seemed like a sad scene inside. After finishing the round my flatmate went to get another. He talked me into it. As I surveyed the scene in his absence this sad impression washed over me. This is why going out has changed for me. I watched the older guys and wondered about why they were here. I wondered if they were searching like I used to like my flatmate is now.

We went outside with our second round and some leggy blond called me over and we started to chat. She asked me how tall I was and when I told her she said I was too short. But a conversation ensued and eventually my flatmate came over and we started to all chat. There were the usual greetings and where are-you-froms. The plan was to move onto the next bar and after we finished the drink we went to the club.

This place was a bit more happening. We got another round and the talking continued. She told me how she was raised in a good family with loving parents. She was in PR and was a manager of those around her. She came from a working class family and had some really bad relationships. It soon became clear that she took a fancy to me. She started to get closer and a bit more physical. At first I didn’t really know how to respond. She was quite drunk and I was getting there too. I got spooked and left. I didn’t even finish my drink. Today, there is a lingering hang over and a bit of a guilty feeling for letting the situation escalate. My flatmate stayed behind and told me that he had another drink before the bouncers kicked him out. He asked me why I left and I told him that I didn’t want to have anything on my conscience. It would have been so easy. A moment of weakness and a lifetime of regret. I realize what I have going with Barbs and would like to maintain that. Talking about that girl he said that she seemed nice but I pointed out to him some of the things she said and it became clear that there was some sadness in her life. An emptiness that she is trying to fill. A void that needs something to occupy it. Bernie called it all that time ago. It’s the accent and the way I look supposedly.

There was a different version of this story that once again was lost due to my inability to save it. Words written in the heat of the moment. The impressions at the time of having them. A hang over is not a good state of existence. It’s a punishment for my indiscretion. When we spoke in the morning my flatmate was feeling poorly too. He’s not gonna go out for a while. It was a good time but the next day is not worth it. Then there’s that neck/upper thoracic pain. I’ve been trying to stretch it out and massage it out. It flares up every once in a while and lately with all the leaning it has played up. I have some things to work on using the computer. This will not help it get better.


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