Clean Out

When things happen we often wonder about the meanings behind those things. Why did that happen? Was there something that I could have done differently? When the day began yesterday I didn’t know that I’d be thinking about these things right now. Have I ever stopped thinking about meaning? 

I dragged my butt out of bed not too long after Barbs. Might as well get started at what I had to do. There was no time to clean up the place the day before. We came in and essentially moved everything while we left the debris where it lay. It’s not that much that I have to do but it should get left at a decent standard in time for the next person to move in. I sat in the coffee shop enjoying an americano typing away. I feel relaxed after the previous day’s upheaval. Channeling or more precisely transmuting psychic energy into something positive. I could have started drinking at eight a.m. 

I stopped at the Dish to say my goodbyes to the guys here. I spoke with them about the recent developments in my life and how they have changed my outlook. Andrew gave me that wry smile with that twinkle in his eye but spoke to me about being realistic. He was probing the degree to which my feelings were true. He is like some kind of sage behind the counter as John listened seemingly happy for me about this development. 

In all fairness I was also procrastinating. I don’t necessarily want to do any more cleaning. In a moment of inspiration I remembered that I had to get some sandpaper to sand down the holes that I patched from all the frames I hung up. It was nice to have them to look at. They reminded me of the life I’ve had up to now. It helped me decide what to do. To help me realize the authentic self because maybe sometimes I didn’t pay attention to that. Maybe this is how fortune was able to smile upon me. 

I puttered and made a coffee once I got into the place. My old flatmate cleaned up a bit. I was kind of happy to see that. I noticed some mold on the wall where my bed touched the wall under the window. This place always had a lot of condensation. I didn’t expect that on the side there. This room really needs a paint job but if he is happy without one then I am fine with that. I smoothed the patchwork down and admired the bright sunshine that shone in through the opened blinds. It made the room bright and airy. The cleanup was promptly finished. Scrubbing the oven took the longest. Note to self always put down an aluminum foil at the bottom of the oven. 

There were a few things that had to be carried out and I decided that a cab ride would be appropriate. As I waited in front of one of the nearby hotels the wait became prolonged. There was a queue developing with me second in line. Eventually when I did get one he was on the phone. I think he was trying to get some countertop deal for his kitchen. I hate it when the cabbies are on the phone even if he seemed like a nice chap. 

It was really nice out and I had a few hours to kill so I decided to go out on a walk. There were a few places that I wanted to photograph and this break in the rain is a welcome relief. I went by the Dude Chilling Park. I walked by here many many times and I forget that this park has this name. In the summer it is packed with people but to me this stretch of 8th avenue is really pretty even in the dreary part of January. 

I saw some graffiti that I wanted to take pictures of by Main and Terminal. It’s not too bad of a walk to get there. It’s in an area that still maintains its industrial roots and it is cut by many rail lines. The graffiti itself was surprisingly old. A whole wall of a building covered by individual pieces highlighting some of the sights of Vancouver. It must have been some kind of project to beautify this area and prevent the rampant tagging that plagues the city. 

Since I am here I might as well get a photo of the East Van sign. It was a public work of art that was introduced just before the Olympics. It still stands there and to get a good square photo of it I had to find a good vantage point. It was mid afternoon and the rain came back having been absent up until now. I walked by a Timmies and decided to have a snack to tie me over until the afternoon. I had been arranging my schedule to accommodate some social functions. One with Barbs and one with Danny Boy. It would be a few hours yet until that would happen so a snack now would be good. The walking was doing me well. Just before I got to the east van sign I had a chat with my dad. He was a bit apologetic about his behavior and I apologized for mine. Life is too short to be upset at each other. It made me feel better to have that talk with him and with my mom earlier. After the photos I was going to go and visit the dispensary for the last time before my departure. 

After the visit to the dispensary I began to feel tired. As if all the energy got sapped away from me. I bought a drink to quench some of my thirst from a dingy shop on the Drive and figured I’d have a nap to recouperate some of it back through rest. When I got to Barbs’ flat I chatted with Anna Mae for a quick second showing off my pictures as she enjoyed the guy working out accross the street. I started to shiver as I lay there trying to fall asleep. I wondered what it was. Where did I get this bug from? Why now and how bad was it going to get? 

The chills were coming in waves any part that was not covered up by the covers was shivering and once that started it would affect the whole body. I had an hour to nap and see if I got better. I listened to a podcast with an apprentice of Carlos Casteneda describing shamanism. It was something to take my mind away from what was happening to me. The body felt very hot very quickly I was definitely going through something. I told Barbs that I wasn’t feeling well and that I won’t make it. A few hours later when Danny Boy called I told him what I suspected it was some kind of stomach thing. I felt the pangs in the belly and braced myself for that eventual release. I felt like a total mess and that it happened so quickly. I kept coming in and out of consciousness at various times. I remember Barbs standing there looking at my state. She brought me some water something I was too weak to do myself. 

After a while of this I did start to feel a bit better. I tested my theories with a consumption of fluids to see how it feels. I still had that drink with the little pieces of aloe in it. I chugged it down. The sweats I’ve been having made me feel dehydrated. I was able to feel the little chunks of aloe sliding down the esophagus all the way down to my stomach. I stopped drinking and went back to lay down. Within a few seconds I felt it. I knew in a split second that what just went down was going to come right out again. I ran to the toilet and like someone who just drank too much released the contents of my stomach. This came in multiple waves. There was a lot that was in there. My body must have rejected it as soon as it came into my stomach. All this negativity came rushing out. 

This isn’t the first instance of me having a weird chills and fever occurrence. I can blame the food or drink but it’s the timing that puzzles me. Maybe I wasn’t meant to go out that night or maybe the body is just tired from all the activity and was telling me to stop. I spent close to twenty hours straight in bed mostly sleeping. In the morning I needed to rehydrate myself and get my bearings straight. Whatever little things I wanted to do would have to wait. Babe and I just spent the day sleeping. She has been tired too between school and work and me leaving there is a lot. She will get to meet my folks again and maybe if anything it could have been this that was the impetus for my condition as well as the whole leaving the continent thing. This is the ever shifting landscape of our lives. 


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